Dear Noah
Although I have already included your Doulas notes, I thought I would write about the day you arrived how I remembered it.
It
was a cloudy day and raining. I smiled as the rain streaked the
windows of the car as we drove down highway 50 to the hospital. The
weather reminded me of home (England) how appropriate you would arrive
on such a day.
A hushed excitement filled the car and we said
good bye to our life as a couple and headed toward a life full of you.
Good bye apartment next time im back here Noah will be with me, goodbye
Placerville next time we drive through main street Noah will be with us.
We looked back at the empty baby seat, looked at each other and
grinned.
I was nervous but prepared for labor, after
all thousand, nay hundreds of thousands of women go through this. I had a
great support team and had done everything I could to prepare and
understand the process.
The nurses prepped me. This
included being fitted with an IV and being poked several times with
needles. My arm was covered in some pretty ugly bruises as I have deep
veins and it took several attempts to locate them. It was at this point
I wanted to go home and decided internally that I might not be ready
for the pain of labor! But there was no going back.
The
first contraction took my breath away, and I grabbed the side of the
bed and called out your father he came rushing over and spilled hot tea
on me mid contraction!
After a few of these
contractions I called our doula to come I knew I needed the support.
Cyndy our doula encouraged me to find a place/or a sentence during
contractions that would get me through it. You where my place, I would
talk to you and the thought of you fighting as hard as I was to get into
this world kept me going through 13 hrs of contractions.
But
around 2pm things got harder. I/we moved and you sat on a nerve in my
back, the pain was excruciating and I threw up almost immediately. This
back pain continued throughout labor and caused me to continue throwing
up.
Cyndy encouraged me to get up and move around
although the nurses were not happy as they found it hard to monitor you.
Each time I changed positions the contractions took on a new feeling
the pain was different and I had to brace my self again. But moving got
things going and my waters broke on their own, then the contractions got
harder.
I needed the room dark and silent in order to
be able to focus on my contractions, I could hear hushed chatter between
Myra and Cyndy. Occasionally Cyndy would offer soothing encouragement
and reminders, her voice and presence were comforting and a source of
strength. I held her hand and your fathers through most of my labor.
Your father was always there but for some reason his voice irritated me
and I couldn't allow him to speak. I needed to know he was there but as
a silent presence. He was my rock.
I remember looking
at the clock around 2pm and then again at 2.03pm and then again at
2.10pm. I cant do this I thought, time is going by so slowly and the
contractions were so intense. I decided to no longer look at the clock
and take one contraction at a time as Cyndy had suggested. If you got
through one you can get through the next one and she was right. The
next time I looked at the clock it was 6pm.
The nurses
were worried about you, you where having decelerations, a decrease in
the fetal heart rate below the fetal baseline heart rate. Decelerations
occur when there is a fall in the level of oxygen in the fetal blood.
The nurses found that the only position that helped your decelerations
was for me to labor on my side. This was practically impossible as this
was the position that aggravated my back and I was in severe pain. I
could not relax into contractions instead I could only hold on to the
bed rails with dear life crying out in pain. it was at this point that
an epidural was suggested. I so desperately wanted to avoid pain meds
but for the sake of you, and I was exhausted by this point I needed the
pain to stop so I relented. Suddenly everything was ok! the pain had
gone and I could breath, maybe I could do this I thought.
Dr
McElvy entered the room and after hushed talks with the nurses, came
over to Aaron and I and explained that my contractions being as hard as
they were, still being only 2cm dilated and the decels where to much for
baby she recommenced a emergency c-sec. I was devastated but in all
honesty was so drugged up - there was a party in my head, I didnt care,
I just wanted Noah and I wanted this to be over. I heard them say
something about turning the epi up as I was going in for a c-sec.
Everything was a blur from then on. The room suddenly was a hub of
activity prepping me for surgery. I was a dead weight and could barley
move at this point. I remember being wheeled in and being prepped.
Looking up and seeing people talking above me. Then seeing your dad so
happy and beaming, you where now in the world. I wasnt even aware they
had taken you I thought I was still being prepped. I heard laughing as
you pooped on the nurse and someone put my glasses on me so I could see
you and then you where whisked away again but your father was there with
you every step of the way.
I was wheeled into recovery and you
where placed on me. I was shaking so much from the drugs I could barely
touch you. But you were here and it was over. My precious son.
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